The nausea and most of the early pregnancy symptoms have passed and if it wasn't for the fact that none of my pants fit me and when I check to see why, I can clearly see my protruding tummy, I would have thought that this has all been a figment of my imagination. That, and of course, the fact that I am happy. Not a goofy, bouncy, jump on the couch Tom Cruise style happy. Just happy inside.. content.
Living and facing rejection for 5 years was hard. Every month when we were not pregnant or every day when we did not get "The Call" I felt rejected. Forgotten. Not good enough. It killed a little bit of my soul. At the end of it all I felt hollow. I cried and begged and wished and waited so long that there was nothing left inside. Only a tiny bit of hope, but even that was fading. On the 1st of December last year as I was starting my period, friends of ours told us that they are pregnant. She went off the injection after 7 years and within 6 months they were going to have a baby. That broke me. I was done, ready to give up. I think that somewhere, Someone noticed and created our little Peanut 2 weeks later.
I cried a bit since then. But it were all happy, I cannot believe that this miracle is happening type of cries. I cried because I now know the expression on my husband's face when I told him that he is going to be a dad. I cried because I could phone my mother and tell her that I'm pregnant and that we can now share stories about how it has been when she was pregnant. I cried because our family and friends are happy for us, talking about the baby and not tip-toeing around the topic any more. I cried because I am given the opportunity to grow a life inside of me, a life that was created by love and that I will have the opportunity to properly plan and prepare for when this little person enters our world.
On Friday we will be going for our second sonar scan. As we are driving out of town for this we have clubbed together with the friends of ours that told us on the 1st of December that they are pregnant, as she is also going for her scan at the same doctor.
I am blessed and it is awesome to be pregnant...